Let's Get this Party Started
The episode begins with our first shower shot of the season! The producers didn't waste any time getting down to business. It's time to start quenching last season's muscular drought, and this long, lingering shot of Matt is just the way to do it.
The girls all put on their most basic autumn outfits, with the exception of Victoria who wears a sweatsuit, and Fashion Goddess Chelsea who looks like she just stepped off a runway.
Speaking of Victoria...Victoria declares to the group that she is not jealous of the friendship everyone has, but that she would like to complain that everyone else has found friendship without her. I think she's just jealous that she wore a sweatsuit instead of her best pumpkin patch outfit.
One-on-One Date: Bri
Matt and Bri drive some ATVs through the forest. Due COVID, the show appears to not have been able to quarantine a safety instructor, and their OSHA compliance officer had the day off. Matt drives the ATV with the same energy that I (at the tender age of nine with the hand-eye coordination of a future math major) used to drive the Star Wars Episode 1 Podracer on the Nintendo 64. He zig-zags from one side of the trail to the other before ultimately flipping the ATV. This is an excellent and very stupid way to break a leg.
We get another gratuitous muscle shot of Matt when he takes his shirt off to chop some gratuitous wood and hop in a hot tub. Weilding an axe while half-naked doesn't seem wise, but the man also just flipped an ATV, so safety isn't really up there on his list of priorities. The wood doesn't get used for anything. There is a propane tank and chimney directly behind the hot tub.
Bri puts on her best nightgown/leather jacket combination for dinner. I think this is a smart outfit, because the leather jacket will provide additional protection if Matt tries to drive anywhere else. Bri and Matt discuss their parents' divorces, and the ensuing emotional trauma. They bond, and it's pretty boring. Bri gets the date rose, and the producers light off a big fireworks show while the other women jealously watch back at the hotel.
Back at the Hotel
Back at the hotel, Victoria twirls her tie-dye sweat suit sleeve and complains about being in the situation she has very deliberately put herself in. She can't be her most authentic self when these other women are around. She simply will not do well on a group date.
The date card arrives, and naturally Victoria's name is card. She tells everyone that it will be fine as long as people are not negative. At this point, Victoria has solidified herself as the early season villain, but she's peaking too soon. I think she'll be gone in a couple weeks, and a greater and more terrible villain will emerge.
Group Date
Matt needs to picture himself with his future wife. Literally. The girls put on wedding dresses and take fake wedding photos with Matt. His future wife is going to love the fact that these exist. I think they reused the photographer from Tayshia's season on this date. All of the pictures turn out slightly blurry, which appears to be his signature style. Victoria puts on a garter and asks Matt to pull it off for her pictures. What ensues is basically a liberal arts college, because there is no chemistry. Victoria kisses Matt, and he actively tries to escape her clutches while politely kissing back.
Chris Harrison turns up, and turns this wedding date on its head. The girls tromp deep into the Hundred Acre Wood in wedding gowns and heels and the photographer puts on a coat made from the beloved character formerly known as Owl. Instead of blurry photographs, the girls are playing "Capture the Heart". They're going to run around and tag each other with paint soaked flower bouquets while trying to grab a giant stuffed heart. The OSHA officer is back from his day off, so the girls get to change into tennis shoes. Despite that, chaos ensues. Cake is flying. Paint is flying. The sound editor is going wild on the splat sound effect. Victoria's team wins. The losing team is sent back to the hotel room. The losers cry, but they don't have to spend the evening with Victoria so I think they're actually winners.
Lauren finally gets a chance to chat with Matt. The first thing she says is that she is looking for a man of faith which is the PERFECT answer for Matt. Lauren has a real job as a corporate attorney, so I think this ticks a lot of boxes and puts her in the frontrunner group.
One of the women (Pieper?) opens up to Matt and talks about how in love her parents are. This is not the way to bond with Matt. Matt loves a good set of divorced parents.
Matt tells Victoria that he was impressed with her. The producers made him say that. Victoria fishes for compliments, and Matt tells her to "own who she is". This is not the encouragement she needs.
Lauren gets the date rose and Victoria tells the women that it should have been hers. I thought people needed to not be negative on this date, but maybe that applied to everyone but Victoria.
One on One: Sarah
Sarah walks through the Hundred Acre Wood in a dark brown jacket made from the beloved character formerly known as Kanga. A tiny airplane shows up and they fly around while the Pirates of the Caribbean theme song plays. Maybe the theme of 2021 is that nothing makes sense anymore. Matt does not pilot the plane, so everyone arrives safely back on the ground.
Sarah and Matt sit on a flannel couch with flannel pillows and have a meaningful conversation which is pretty boring. Matt suspects that Sarah is holding something back. I suspect she is too, because this show loves foreshadowing.
At dinner, Sarah confirms our suspicions and tells Matt that he father has ALS. She has quit her job to be a caregiver for him, and frankly she sounds like an awesome person. Matt recommends that Sarah turn to his Lord and Savior Jesus Christ for strength in this situation.
Sarah gets the date rose. I hope Matt sends her home as soon as he's not feeling it instead of dragging her along. At this point, she seems like she has frontrunner potential.
Cocktail Party
I've missed The Bachelor and its wide array of new fashion trends. Kit wears a sheer lace turtleneck dress. Chelsea wears a strapless dress that sits so low that I hold my breath any time she's on the screen. Victoria wears a dress with tiny rose print and puffed sleeves and ruching and a cutout midriff and her bra straps showing. Someone wears a blazer and boots, with nothing else. I don't know who. It's week two and these women need name tags.
Matt gives sweet Marylynn an orchid to apologize that she didn't get a date. Victoria is livid and labels Marylynn as toxic and proceeds to tattle to Matt about how toxic Marylynn is. But it's okay, because Victoria is maintaining a positive attitude about the whole thing. Matt goes to investigate the situation, and in the corner, the producers high five.
Victoria tattles to the rest of the girls who are confused about these accusations. Marylynn is also confused and calmly explains to Matt that she doesn't know what's going on. Then she goes to apologize to Victoria who aggressively says she accepts the apology and doesn't care to come to an understanding. Sounds like non-acceptance to me. The more I watch, the more I can't see any possible way Marylynn is the bad guy here. MJ says does NOT like the energy in the room and I agree.
At the rose ceremony, Sarah stumbles and almost faints, and medics are called in. We end with our first To Be Continued of the season.
Week 2 Final Thoughts
Matt is growing on me, and I really like this group of women. He seems like he's a better Bachelor than Peter, but I would rather have Peter to transport me in a vehicle.
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